Flip-flops in a Rainstorm

A couple of weeks ago I attended a women's conference at my church.  The theme was "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain".  The thought of dancing in the rain makes me smile...it brings to mind images of childhood and fun.  The conference was great and my only disappointment was that I wasn't able to go to more of the mini-classes they offered.  I think that we probably all need a little help in learning how to stay positive in difficult, or negative, times. But I'll get back to that later.

Last Saturday, while on a campout with the boys, Ben had to replace a belt and the radiator in the Jeep on the beach!  It was definitely an unexpected expense.  Luckily, he had some very helpful men with him and we only had to pay for parts, not labor. (Although, I probably owe them all some cookies.)  He got the Jeep home, but there are still issues and it is parked in the garage for the time being. This means that he has to use the Toyota, which would not normally be an issue since I'm home all day.  Except it's been raining all week, Ben has physical therapy twice a week, we've been fighting a stomach bug off and on for almost two weeks, and Alex had to have lab work done (fasting, early morning lab work).  There has been a lot of driving back and forth! I'm frazzled and have found myself shutting down, not wanting to do anything once Ben and the kids are out the door.  This morning as I was running the kids into school late, I made a comment about wearing flip-flops in a rainstorm.  Then it struck me how well that sums up my current feelings about life. 

Ben didn't care for the thought when I shared it with him. He pointed out that our life isn't really THAT bad right now, and it's not. That's not quite what I meant.  What I meant is that I don't currently feel properly equipped to deal with my life (or what's happening IN my life, to be more accurate).  But, we equip ourselves.  I chose to wear those flip-flops when I knew that it was raining.  I have shoes, but it was faster and easier to just slip on the flip-flops.  We were running late.  I didn't want to get my tennis shoes wet. These are excuses; I had a choice to make and I made it.

So, back to the conference and the dancing in the rain.  It's currently raining on our house (literally and figuratively).  This is not a bad storm we're weathering...we've been through worse.  Others have been, or are going through, MUCH worse.  My thought is...How often do we simply grumble about the rain instead of equipping ourselves to face it?  There is no "storm" that can't be weathered by relying on our faith.  We have a Savior who has felt each and every one of our pains and heartaches. He knows what we're going through and He wants to help us!  By using the equipment we've been given, namely prayer and the scriptures, we can be comforted during the worst.

Catch-up Time

Look at that...once again it's been way too long since I've posted anything.  So I guess it's time to play catch-up again.

First day of  8th grade.

The kids have done really well in their new schools.  Lizzy did the school play last spring, The Seven Brides of Dracula.  It was cute and she had fun, but decided to do the technical side of theater this year.  She was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society last spring too.  This year she is taking Pre-AP English, an art class that she gets high school credit for, and is planning on taking a trip to Washington D.C. in June.   She is becoming such an amazing young woman.

Cast of The Seven Brides of Dracula.

First day of 5th grade.

Alex is doing better academically than he ever has (other than standardized testing, but I've got opinions about that).  We're working with a doctor and a therapist to help him learn to better manage his moods/emotions/actions.  He got a Pokémon club started at the school this year. We're so proud of him for planning and doing all the work needed to get it going. He also just joined the 4/5th grade choir.

First day of 3rd grade.

Garret is thriving. School seems to come fairly easy for him.  He's actually in the Gifted and Talented program. He's another reader, which I love.  This year he's read most of the Guardians of Ga'Hoole series. 

First day of 1st grade.

Keri is...beautiful, feisty, inquisitive, loving...pretty much the same little sassafras she's always been.  She seems to really like school and has lots of friends there (though she can't remember about half of their names).











I'm doing pretty well.  After 7 years of discomfort and nausea, I finally found a doctor who would remove my nasty gallbladder.  It's amazing the difference it's made!  I'm still working on the whole "housewife" thing. It's hard to stay on top of housework, though, when there are books to be read and yarn to be knitted. LOL  I recently finished my first commissioned work.  A friend paid me to knit a temple shawl for her.  It was exciting! She loved the finished product too, so that made it even better.

Ben has been busy at work, as always.  He's also VERY close to finishing his Associate's and has plans for his Bachelor's. Yay!

Overall, life just keeps on going. We bought our first house and have lots of plans for things we'd like to do, but haven't gotten to them yet (time and money are limited).  We adopted a dog named Eris.  She is a Belgian Malinois mix (what she's mixed with is up for debate) and quickly became a member of the family.  One of the kids favorite things that we've done is buy annual passes to Sea World.  We all LOVE it!!!  We took an unexpected trip to Washington to say goodbye to Gramma Marge.  It was not the circumstances I wanted, but it was wonderful to see everyone and Gramma is reunited with Grandpa now.  We also had the chance to visit with Ben's brother and his family in Utah on our way to and from Washington.  My sister and her kids came down here for a visit too.  I love family time!

The kids love their 4-legged sister.

Garret's Birthday and Baptism

As I mentioned in a previous post, Garret had to celebrate his birthday in transit. He was a little bummed that he didn't get to have a party with his friends, but we tried to still make it special for him. He got to choose dinner that night, so we ended up at Chuck E. Cheese (Yay for being back in the States!) for pizza and games. After we got to San Antonio, we took him to Wal-Mart and let him pick out a couple of presents for himself.

A new Skylander figure for the Wii.

 

Pokemon cards

Because of the move, we weren't able to have Garret's baptism until the middle of November.  It was a great day and we were able to share it with some wonderful people. Ben's parents, and his brother Jake and his family came over from Houston for the weekend. Ben's cousin Sophie and her family also drove across town to be there. Garret also got to share the day with his friend Asher, who also got baptized.

With Daddy before the baptism. :)

Afterward, the family all came back to the house for food and visiting. It was great to catch up with everyone after two-and-a-half years.

Confessions of a Guilty Mom

I love my children. They are four of the best things in my life, and I would give up that life to protect them without a second thought. They make me laugh. They make me look at life in a whole new way. They make my life infinitely more interesting and meaningful. But...

They also drive me crazy. They're noisy, and messy, and can't seem to get through an entire day without fighting with each other (quite often over the silliest things). I have days when I want to pull my hair out. Occasionally I have moments where I have to scream...not words, not yelling at them about something (although that happens too)...primal, wordless screams. It just builds up and comes out, and then I feel better.

Alex asked me this morning if I get lonely when they're all at school. I told him honestly that I don't. I enjoy the time to myself. After dropping them off (I drove the younger three since Keri is still recovering from pneumonia) I thought about it and realized (again) I'm not THAT mom. I don't volunteer in classrooms. I used to tell myself that once I didn't have little ones at home I would, but I don't. I am SO ready to send them back to school after summer break, or winter break, or even a long weekend. I had a friend a few years ago that was always doing little crafts with her preschoolers. I tend to let my kids do their own thing while I do mine (read, knit, etc.).

This fact causes a certain amount of "Mommy Guilt". I see posts on Facebook from friends who are LOVING spending time with their kids and wish school holidays were longer, and I think "Why don't I enjoy my kids more? Is there something wrong with me?" Mommy Guilt. That voice in your head that tells you you're not good enough. When it hits me, I try to remember this:

I don't know where it originated from, but I love it. Someone came up with this which means that IT'S NOT JUST ME! 

I think that too often I focus on the negative and forget the positive. My kids are relatively happy, I'm frequently complimented on what good kids they are, and they think that I'm the best mom ever (at least most of the time). I may not be THAT mom, but I'm THEIR mom and that is a pretty sweet blessing. I may not volunteer in their classrooms, but I smother them with hugs and kisses (when I can catch them). I may not be constantly engaged with them, but we have some pretty epic tickle fights. And we DO play games together, even if its not on a regular basis. I don't think they've ever doubted that I love them. And really...isn't that the most important thing? So, I'm going to try harder to stop comparing myself to other moms. I leave you with a quote from Elder M. Russell Ballard from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints:

Here We Go Again...Or There We Went

It's that time of year again...back to school.  I still can't believe all four kids are in school now.   And to make things even more exciting, we are moving.  We got an assignment to Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, Texas. Yep, back to Texas!  Unfortunately, our departure date landed just a couple weeks after the start of school. We decided to let the kids start school anyway, though. So here's the first day pictures:

We left Turkey early on the morning of September 17th and arrived in San Antonio on the 19th.  It was crazy, and we had to have a mini birthday celebration enroute, but we made it.  After hanging out for a week in a one-bedroom TLF room, we decided to enroll the kids in the school on base.  They needed to get back into the swing of things and Ben and I needed to do some house-hunting since they didn't have anything for us on base.  We thought that it would take a while to find a house.
As it turns out, we found a house very quickly and the sellers were willing to let us move in right away. So...the kids went to school on base for exactly ONE WEEK!  Even more crazy...in the matter of one month they were enrolled in three different schools.  It was rough, but they seem to be all settled now. The elementary school in our neighborhood is great. Lizzy's school is big, but she seems to be doing really well.

Things are finally starting to settle down.  We are closing on the house tomorrow. Yay!!!  Now if our stuff would just hurry up and get here!  Air mattresses and camp chairs get old after a few weeks.

Garret's poem

Okay...so once again it's become obvious that I'm not good at this whole blogging thing. There have been lots of things going on and I should probably write about them and share pictures, but not right now. Right now I'm going to indulge in a "proud mama" moment.  Garret wrote a poem in school and just recently gave it to Ben.  Hopefully, neither of them will mind too much if I share it. :)

I Am From

By Garret Isom

I am an awesome fast reader,

I wonder if my dad will make me a root beer float,

I hear my parents talk about going places,

I see him handle military dogs,

I want chocolate

I am an awesome fast reader,

I pretend to be Jedi Knight,

I feel happy when my dad gets home from war,

I touch my dad's work boots because I want to wear them someday,

I worry the dogs bite him,

I cry when my dad is gone,

I am an awesome fast reader,

I understand when my dad tells me to clean my room,

I say my prayers before dinner and bedtime,

I dream for no more wars,

I try to be polite,

I hope my future will be good,

I am an awesome fast reader.

He's right...he is an "awesome fast" reader and a great little writer, too.  The kids are all becoming their own little people and I love getting to witness their growth.

Alex's Journey...So Far

A couple of days ago I saw a link on Facebook to an article about ADHD. According to the article the doctor who "discovered" the disorder stated on his deathbed that it wasn't real. Apparently its just a ploy by doctors and pharmaceutical companies to create lifelong patients/drug users. Its also a way for teachers and parents to make their jobs easier and take away a child's individuality.  As the parent of a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD, I find the article (and even more so, the comments readers made) very upsetting.  Rather than getting into an emotional rant on Facebook, I thought I'd share some of Alex's journey here.

Alex has always had a lot of energy. He is also sweet and loving and sensitive.  When he went to Head Start he had some issues with paying attention (not uncommon at 4-5 years old) and keeping his hands to himself. He wasn't (usually) trying to be mean, he was trying to ensure that his friends were paying attention by touching them while talking, or getting overly excited and rambunctious.  It caused a couple issues with other parents, but we weren't too concerned.  Kindergarten and most of first grade (while we were in Texas) was a lot of the same.  Teachers told us that Alex was socially immature (even though he was one of the older kids in the class) and academically behind.  Instead of looking into it more, though, they just seemed to label him a problem child.

In February of his first grade year we moved here and he had a great teacher. Through her hard work, and help from the reading specialist that the school has, Alex was able to make up a little bit of ground. It was also the first time that he ENJOYED going to school.  He was still behind his class, though, and it caused more problems in second grade. In addition to being behind academically, Alex began acting out more.  He broke down crying in class almost daily, hit himself in the head, and called himself stupid.  The other students didn't always react well to this behavior which added to the problem.  Alex also started making up stories and would get extremely upset if you challenged the truth of them...I think that he actually believed them himself (at least sometimes).  My sweet little boy was turning angry and combative.

We met with the school to discuss options. They evaluated him and discovered that he has a couple of different learning difficulties.  At their suggestion, we also had our pediatrician evaluate Alex for ADHD.  The doctor said there were some definite signs, but he wasn't comfortable making the diagnosis because it wasn't  a clear cut case.  At school, they implemented additional help (both in his regular class and in the resource room) and modified the work he was required to do.  He also started meeting with the school psychologist on a weekly basis.  All of this has helped, but Alex is still behind...and seems to keep falling further.  Homework is a daily fight to keep him focused on what he's supposed to be doing.  EVERYTHING is a distraction. Garret now reads at a higher level.  And Alex is very aware of the differences between him and his classmates.  We're at the point at his teachers and the school staff are now recommending we consider having him repeat third grade. In the past, they've always said that it wasn't a good idea to hold him back.

At the beginning of this year (calendar, not school year) we went back to the pediatrician and were finally given the diagnosis.  The doctor said that he generally likes to prescribe a combination of medication and Cognitive Behavior Therapy for ADHD patients, but CBT isn't available here.  Alex was put on a medication which helped quite a bit. Unfortunately he was taken off of it after only two weeks due to other issues.  He was without any medication for a couple of months and it was really tough. Alex noticed the difference too.  He just started something new a couple of weeks ago, but it's not actually for the ADHD.  It's to help him "hold himself together" because...

What concerns me even more than the academics is his emotional well-being.  This past year has led to a very unhappy boy.  Alex's self-esteem has been on a decline.  He says he's stupid...he doesn't know who he is inside...he feels out of control inside...we never loved him...the family would be better off without him...he wants to run away...it would be better if he were dead...etc.  He is annoyed and angered very easily, especially by Keri.  Nothing is as painful as watching your child suffer and not knowing how to help.  This new medication seems to be helping, but we're hoping it's not going to be a long-term thing.

The other thing we're doing is applying for an early reassignment.  We are trying to get moved to a base that will be able to provide Alex with the therapy which he needs.  The kids don't know that that is the reason for our upcoming move, though, so please don't mention it if you see us.  We don't want Alex to feel like he's responsible for moving the whole family early.  He already internalizes everything.

So, the point of this lengthy post...ADHD is not a convenient diagnosis that we're using as an excuse to medicate our son to the point that he loses his identity (as some people seem to believe).  It's not convenient at all...it's something that we have been fighting and agonizing over for over a year.  We choose to medicate him not to suppress his individuality, but to allow his sweet spirit to shine through.  We want nothing but the best for our boy (and all our children)...to be the best Alex that he can be.

It may be that there are children who have been inaccurately diagnosed or that doctors have over-prescribed drugs, but that doesn't mean that there aren't children who have a genuine need.  Generalizing is dangerous and can be hurtful. Perhaps we should all be more willing to give parents the benefit of the doubt.